Life is difficult for a regular working stiff. I didn’t know it was going to be like this. Everything was a lot simpler back when my main responsibility was to hang out on my parent’s couch, drink Mountain Dew, and wolf down chocolate frosted donuts and Dairy Queen chicken baskets.
Little did I know that my parents were probably perpetually exhausted by this thing we call working.
Look at all those people sitting around!
They did things that I had no concept of.
Commuting is the Worst, Am I Right?
For instance, how about commuting? Commuting is horrible and strange. Tons and tons and tons of really tired people driving heavy machinery in dead-stop traffic because most of the stuff we have to do every day exists in one central place in our otherwise very roomy region of the world.
I got upset when the water got cold after my thirty-minute shower and routinely felt bad for myself because I was bored. Bored! I don’t even remember the last time I had the chance to be bored.
Woops!
We put everything in the same area! Holy crap! Everyone has to go the same way every single day and our roads can’t handle the growth of our population.
I pay around $3.00/day in tolls and apparently all I get for that is a scary looking man standing on the side of the road pointing a radar gun at me when I’m dead tired and just want to reach my couch before my brain explodes from listening to too much sports radio.
I exercise.
I eat healthily.
I meditate.
I stretch.
I ponder.
I attend to my mental and emotional health. And I don’t have children.
Still, I can barely schedule enough Netflix time to make myself feel recharged for the five-day work week.
And, did I mention that I don’t even have to drive in that direction, toward the city. I leave the city each day for work, and I feel really sad for those poor people on the other side of the highway who are not even remotely close to their destination and already, at such an early hour, are stuck.
If I had known how tough regular life could be, I might have become a scuba diving instructor instead. But it’s too late for me now.
At the age of thirty-two I would never be able to go back to scuba diving instructor school, it’s out-of-reach. What kind of 401 K plan does a scuba diving instructor have anyway? Is it decent? Do they get weekends off?
Probably not.
Let’s be very clear about this. I don’t have to work two or even three jobs just to get by. I have very good health insurance. I have very good job stability. I have absolutely nothing to complain about, and that's a fact. But that won’t stop me.
This Is a Tangent Regarding a Foul Smell
Now is a good time to mention that the city is clearing a very large (or so I imagine) water main on my street. This activity has been ongoing for two days now.
The smell, is, of course, one of the most unbearable scents I have ever come across. I wish I could describe it to you perfectly so you would know just how bad it is.
It’s as if an army of elephants have been pooping directly underground in one spot for centuries and just now has someone decided to do something about it. It is horrendous and frustrating.
So in conclusion, I have no solution. I have no ideas. I just know that sometimes, I’m tired, and that’s OK. Sometimes you just need to cozy up on the couch and watch 24 straight episodes of a Netflix show you’ve never seen before.
Maybe you can relate, or maybe you can’t. And sometimes I wish I could relive those easy days on parents couch, watching weird shows like Xena: Warrior Princess and eating an entire bag of Smarties while wearing an awesome sweatsuit and tube socks. But those days are gone, and perhaps that’s for the best.
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