The email headline reads: Need a vacation home? Belize may be your new home. 

The answer is Yes. I do need a vacation home.

The only trouble is I need more vacation time and a much much higher vacation home budget, which is presently sitting flat at around zero. Maybe the sender misjudged my financial status by a rung or two or hundred dozen.

Maybe I CAN purchase a vacation home with nothing but a few bucks and a couple years worth of belly lint. I am by no means an expert on international vacation home purchases, so there could be a thing or two I just don't know.

Maybe I am qualified; maybe I am the target market.

Maybe I'm being courted for a vacation home buying television show and it's all slipping out of my hands as we speak because I never responded. 

Another headline from Belize reads: How to retire in a tropical paradise.

Well now. A tropical paradise. Retire. I enjoy where this is going. Tell me more. When does social security kick-in? While I would love to retire I haven't really done anything to warrant being a retired person.

What would I do in a jungle?
Are there bugs?

Although I'm used to strange spiders and slithery centipedes in my own apartment, I'm told that jungle bugs are known to be several sizes larger than the average urban New England dwelling. 

For now I'll stay in Boston. My vacations in the Cape. My bugs just regular size.

But someday Belize, maybe someday you and I will have our moment together and I will find you. Retired and financially secure, I will ride a jet ski all the way down through the Caribbean to claim my land.

We will scuba dive the coral reefs, hold back the giant bug beasts from my home with machetes, and drink until the sun sets and sleep beckons.

Until then, Belize. Until then.

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