While inside my tiny apartment I become keenly aware of my stuff, which is a word I use to call my things. Clothes and couches, books, shoes, glassware. I never anticipated this much glassware. My office is a buffet table that sits in the living room across from my clothes closet. My micro space.
Read MoreA Detailed Guide: How to Be A Terrible, Horrible, Noisy Upstairs Neighbor
First thing upon waking, you want to start opening and closing drawers with a wild fervor, ensure a good slam before moving on to the next drawer. Have no concern for the integrity of the furniture, it can always be replaced and any structural damage can always be fixed. If you have enough energy, and hopefully you've been exercising regularly, try to stomp your feet up and down while slamming the drawers. This creates a subtle, but complex layering of loud noises that will thoroughly confuse and startle your downstairs neighbor. Obviously the earlier you start all this the better.
Read MoreA Thanksgiving Well Spent: To the Couch We Shall Go
The couch, which always welcomes its guest and serves as a reliable place where the world can be watched from a comfortable perch. Couches, in my experience, almost always promote poor posture. But what good is a seasoned, well-worked, bouncy, embracing couch if you mean only to sit up with a straight back and your head well-positioned, hovering as it should be, perfectly above your spine.
Read MoreThe Incredible Anxiety Brought On By An Unfortunate Car Noise
It's an interesting experience, owning a car. One moment all is right in the world. I'm driving along like any other day. Maybe even minding my own business, completely oblivious to the physics and engineering that allow me to do so, and then, from an invisible seam, existence offers up a noise. It cannot be my noise, not a noise I am responsible for. Let me roll my window down and investigate, just to be sure.
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